You wonder why you enrolled in this course, because you can’t do shit!
Me after five weeks of doing the 500 hour YTTC
Stiffness, long days, cold mornings, cravings for sugar and mood swings were just a few of the things one deals with when going through the rigors of a Yoga Teacher Training Course (YTTC).
You write down details of information that you come to realize afterwards is only a drop in an ocean of knowledge that has been not only studied far more intensely by others previously, but put also into practice by so many now.
You wake up in a fog and start resenting the discipline that is required to bring to your yoga mat.
You look around and notice that everyone is more flexible, making progress and brings more focus than you do.
You want to take a break from the routine of the program and just chill.
You want to start arguing with your teachers.
You are irritated by your classmates.
You wonder why you enrolled in this course, because you can’t do shit!
These are just some of the tricks that your mind plays on you as you slowly apply discipline and learn the theories behind this ancient science. I struggled a lot during this time. Mainly because my mind would start to wonder as a means of escape because for the first time, I was having to sit still and just observe both my thoughts and my body’s reactions to these thoughts. This made me want to immediately be active and try to escape from my internal discomfort. At different stages I practiced vipassana (the act of silence), as a means to connect to my frustration and anger during this time. This immediately connected me to a hurt little boy, that I tried in vain to hide from my fellow teachers and students (who all saw through this performance). In the end, I had to be honest and imply courage in coming to grips with these difficult emotions as the course progressed.
… the fact that I kept showing up to that mat despite having certain physical ailments is something that I am very proud of.
It wasn’t all bad!
In Ashtanga I learnt about the five points of “Drishti”, or focus points for the eyes during the Ashtanga practice. As I grappled with my physical limitations and mental unstableness, I soon drew parallels with how I needed to start applying this simple technique of “Drishti” in my everyday life. A typical example would be in a Ashtanga class where I would start off well but after several minutes I would look around at my classmates to see if they were struggling as much as I was. Then if I saw that this was the case, I would make a joke out of it and try to get others to laugh with me. To break this pattern is so difficult for me because I have being doing this my whole life, and when I tried to stop this, I immediately felt a sense of being completely lost and vulnerable. Observing my compulsive behavior and patterns was both funny and alarming. It also got me to give thanks to the positive aspects of my personality too. My encouragement of others and the fact that I kept showing up to my (Yoga) mat despite having pain is something that I am very proud of.
So to sum up the essential points of my time here:
I would like to express extreme gratitude to the teachers and staff who not only made my time here at Adhiroha a meaningful one, but also went beyond their roles by also forging friendships. Thank you!
To my fellow yoga practitioners. Thank you for your dedication, laughs, encouragement during the course. I felt safe, appreciated and respected during my time here. I felt as though I shared an intimate moment with you all as we tried to go beyond our own limitations and understandings in our quest to apply Yoga into our daily lives.
To the cooks and cleaning staff. Wow! You made it possible for me to remain focused on my course by serving up a wonderful Satvic (meal made up of fresh produce for strict Yoga practitioners) menu day in and day out. The food was not only healthy, it was delicious and an important source of nourishment that my body and mind needed. There was also nothing better than coming into my room and smelling the fresh incense burning after you had been in and cleaned my room. These important luxuries are what determined my positive experience during the YTTC.
2 responses
I miss u my favourite person , u giving me strength, motivating me to complete the course . Our crazy frog jumps , weird dances and so many things . You not only craving for sweets but having them regularly with cakes 😂 . I miss it all and i feel everything is boring right now because i dont have the same routine again . Thank you so much for writing this beautiful peice and even sharing it with everyone, it opens up all the memories and will remain close forever . I love you RICHIE JI 🥰
Thank you Pankurhee! It was an honor to do the course with you and observe your transformation. You came back and finished the 500 TTC on your own terms and showed us all your conviction, strength and vulnerability as a person. You are an inspiration and a born teacher. I look forward to catching up soon!